


Tired of the Game

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 17:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10858878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: Based on the idea posted on the GBF; (one person manipulates the other for control of the other) though it’s not quite that either, but that is what inspired it.





	Tired of the Game

**Author's Note:**

> Another old story posted here.

The hour was late and like most stores on the promenade, his shop was closed, but he…Garak, the simple tailor, continued to dwell within his. There was not a light that anyone from the outside could see, only enough for him to see the few items sitting before him on a small table in the backroom, where he pondered his fate. 

One of those items before him was a glass of Kanar, which he had just refilled from another item, the large half empty bottle, and now sipped from it, staring at the third item, a bracelet of silver with ancient traditional markings…the one that would change his life and quiet possibly seal his fate for some time…a betrothal bracelet. 

He sat back in his chair and continued to stare at the intricate item as his focal point, but swiftly his mind moved beyond the shining silver bauble of the present back to the past where this all began…three years ago.

Standing near the display window of his shop, that did little to no business, for he was a Cardassian on a Bajoran station, he puttered around the new display he was creating when he spotted the young tall sender and very beautiful man in medical blue, walking…no, bouncing across the deck like an eager puppy yapping at the station’s chief of engineering, Miles O’Brien. Subtly he took out a small pad from his pocket and keyed in a code, and a picture appeared, sure enough it was the same young man, but yet Garak immediately thought this picture didn’t do the young man any justice, for here he looked attractive sure enough, but in person…he shook such thoughts from his head and closed the pad, he had his target. If he wanted to win back his grace to Cardassia, he was to become the plant he knew people suspected him to be, //an obvious cover,// he mused, and to gain an in he was to target the young man whose profile showed him to be the perfect choice. His target liked intrigue and yet was too naïve to truly understand it, and enjoyed both male and female company, though not overly experienced in either. He was ripe for the picking, ripe to take hold of and mold to one’s designs…his. //It’s a job, Elim, like any other, the fact that you’ll enjoy it…// he looked out the window again seeing the young man still yapping, //well perhaps some of it,// he amended, //is a bonus,// he grinned slightly and moved off not only to finish his display, but his plans of seduction for the naïve CMO of DS9, one Julian Bashir; just turned twenty five and as fresh as a school boy with the looks of many a wet dream. Garak could not suppress the predator smile as he set to work…

Garak sipped his Kanar once more, //you seduced him all right,// he thought with a small smile, his eyes somewhat distant as he recalled it all; the first meeting, the chance encounters that lead up to lunches that lead up to dinners and oh so much more. //Yeah, you seduced him right into your bed…and your heart…OLD FOOL!// he chided himself as he slammed back the rest of the cool liquid in his glass and poured himself some more. 

As the fiery red liquid sloshed about the confines of the glass, once more Garak’s thoughts drifted to the past…

Standing in the dark in a corner of one of the lower decks of the station, Garak waited silently. Soon he saw his contact and moved forward; few words were exchanged before getting down to business. “Here is what you wanted,” he stated coolly and evenly as he handed over the pad. 

The other Cardassian, whose presence was unknown to any on the station, took it eagerly, his dull grey eyes sparking at Garak, “I take it your alluring Doctor is once more proving helpful,” he teased. 

Garak kept his professional demeanor, “He continues to be unknowingly a source of great information,” he replied evenly, seeing no reason why he should share the fact that he actually enjoyed Julian’s company in and out of his bed. 

“I am glad to hear that, because you are to continue this relationship with the young doctor until ordered to do otherwise,” the other Cardassian informed him firmly. 

Garak arched a ridge, “I wad told…”

“I know what you were told, but the Order has seen that you best serve here as you are now; do you question your orders?” he asked, daring Garak to say yes. 

“Of course not,” the tailor/spy replied evenly. “It is merely that such a long assignment may prove…difficult. It is one thing to manipulate a person for a week, a month or two, but it has been over a year and a half, he is becoming more…challenging,” he stated. Indeed Julian was becoming more challenging, ‘he’ was falling for his target and he knew the more he was around the young man, the more he would not be able to resist his simple charms. Julian, though naïve, had proven over time to be highly intelligent, passionate about his beliefs, standing up to others many a man would have ran from, showing a depth few saw in him from the beginning. Julian was also a fast learner, and showed a quick wit, and unique insight to things, but strangely only around him, and it touched him that the young man felt comfortable around him to do so. He noticed how the staff was still struggling to accept him, but accept him they would, not only because he was their CMO, but Julian’s charms were impossible to resist if you could not escape him…and he could not, not if he was under orders to stay. 

“You have always been good with challenges, Garak,” the other Cardassian replied slyly then his expression turned cold and serious, “Handle it. Here is your next goal, you have a week to get this to us,” he ordered. 

Garak took the pad and looked it over, “A week, surely…”

“A week, Garak,” he snapped and then turned and left. 

Garak stood there pondering his current fate, //To get him to cooperate this much will mean I’ll have to give him what he wants,// he sighed. Up until now, Julian had other lovers on the side, well a few…but Garak was his primary and Julian wanted things to become exclusive, a commitment. Garak had denied this and it seemed that Julian was going to back off from him and had the Order allowed it, he would let the young man go; he cared too much for him to continue to use him this way, but now…? He sighed, //Gulls, help me,// he prayed, as he turned to do what he must; beg Julian to be his…

As this memory faded and the harsh present rushed in, Garak in a burst of anger swiped his arm across the table, knocking everything off, and slammed the glass down hard. “Great Gulls, what am I to do now?” he demanded…prayed…and begged in one breath. Three years of being in Julian Bashir’s arms…his so called target…and he was in love. No, he was more than in love if such things were possible and yet he dared not break things off with Julian, not so much for the Order, but he desperately didn’t want to hurt the vibrant soul that he knew his so well and love him for it. The Order thinks the relationship is perfect, for it has served them so well over the years, that when they got wind of Julian wanting to get married or call it off, they shipped the betrothal bracelet to him along with orders…do it! 

//Don’t they understand?// his mind cried out. //If I marry Julian, I ‘will’ forgo ‘everything’ for ‘him’! Damn it, I love him and I am so ‘tired’ of using him. I don’t want to use him. I don’t want to lie to him anymore. I just…// he sighed as a few tears fell down his gray cheek, now flushed with alcohol, //I just want to love him.// 

Garak wiped the tears from his face as another dose of cold harsh reality settled upon him; if he stopped doing what he did one or two things would happen: one, the Order would make sure Julian found out…and he would lose him or worse, the Order would have Julian eliminated and ‘that’ was unacceptable! //Perhaps they do know, and this way they not only secure a source of information, but me as well,// Garak mused and nodded, that this was most likely the case. “A brilliant strategy,” he mutters as he gets up, leaving the glass where it was and moves and gathers up the bracelet and the case in which it came in, knowing that tonight he would propose to his Julian and though he would use him, he would do his best to minimize it and make him happy and if the Gulls will, forever remain ignorant of anything else but his love. 

***********

It was still early, he could tell, even if no sun shined in his window, only starlight; yet he knew it was morning. He could feel that Garak had gone to work, himself not due to report for his shift for several more hours, and yet he knew he was not alone in his bedroom either. “You could knock,” Julian growled as he shifted in bed and wiped the sleep from his eyes to stare at the older blond male dressed all in black, sitting in a chair across from him, staring with an amused look upon his face.

“Why, Doctor, why would I do such a thing, when this way is so much more pleasant,” he replied warmly with a hint of teasing in his tone and his eyes as they raked over Julian’s golden flesh. 

“Hmmm,” was Julian’s reply as he sat up, adjusting the covers over his naked body about the waist, and ran a hand through his short dark hair as he stretched. 

“I see congratulations are in order,” the blond stated, shifting to rest his right ankle on his left leg, relaxing for the conversation ahead. 

Julian pulled the hand that was in his hair back and looked at the bracelet, “Yes, I guess it is,” he mused dryly. He then tossed the covers aside, no qualms about the blond seeing him nude and padded across the room to place on some shorts, black and a matching T-shirt, //Seems fitting,// Julian mused as he turned to face the other man. “So, Sloan, what news do you bring me from 31 that brought you here on such a…joyous occasion,” he asked coolly while walking out his bedroom to the replicator to get himself some coffee, totally unconcerned about the agent in his bedroom. 

“I’m mostly here to get your update, but they were concerned that you might not be able to pull this ‘wedding’ off, but once again it seems…”

“The Council has underestimated me,” Julian replied a tad harshly. He turned toward Sloan, his dark eyes narrowed in a look that no one on DS9 had ever seen, for such a look was not something ‘Doctor Julian Bashir’ would do, for it was one of malice and the ‘Doc’ was not known to be threating. “I have been at this ‘game’, longer than you and most members of the Council have been alive,” he growled, literally smashing the coffee cup in his hand, unfazed by the scolding heat nor hurt by the shards as it all passed through his fingers to the rug. “I was created to ‘play’ my roles well, Sloan,” he snapped as he stalked back to the bedroom where the agent was now standing, in response to the anger and danger he saw in Julian’s eyes. 

“Look, Doctor…” Sloan began in a patronizing tone. 

Faster then the agent could process, he was slammed against the bulkhead of the station, all his body weight being held in place by the one hand that was clamped around his neck, for his feet were not even touching the floor; as he looked down into the black eyes of the one holding him captive and saw the ‘true danger’ he was in. 

“I…am not…a doctor,” Julian stated in a cold, calculated voice. “I am an agent that was literally created for this job, my mother a petri-dish and my father a test tube, not those agents that were sent here to pose in their place,” he sniffed, his face hard and the aura of ‘Doctor Bashir’ far from present at the moment. “I have earned my place and my rank in this organization long before you came along, Commander, and I will not be treated in ‘any manner’ by ‘anyone’ except with respect in accordance to that, do you understand?” he growled slightly, his eyes threating. 

Sloan, now red faced, nodded, “Yes, sir,” he muttered while trying to struggle for breath. 

“I said…do you understand?” Julian asked again as he slid Sloan down the wall so he could breath and answer him properly. 

Sloan gasped for air as soon as he was allowed to do so. “Ah, yes…Captain. Yes, Captain, sorry, Captain,” he gasped, realizing just how close he came to death; having not met the experimental agent before this assignment and bought into his role as Doctor Bashir, he never considered the rest to be relevant. The fact that Julian was over a hundred and twenty-eight years old and still looked in his twenties, and always would without assistance, never factored into his way of looking at the man. Nor did the fact that one does not reach the rank of Captain in Section 31 without having what it takes to succeed in their assignments and just how ruthless one had to be to do so, never quite mixed with the sweet innocent Lieutenant Junior grade CMO that he had observed over the last few months, his predecessor having moved on to another assignment; he knew better now. He adjusted his cloths and looked at Julian with the respect he knew he should always give a superior officer, along with just a touch of fear; something one gives a superior officer in 31. 

“I’ll report your success, Captain,” he stated appropriately. 

“Hmm,” was all that Julian said as he now appeared calm and moved back toward his living room to attend his mess. “We’ve been manipulating the Obsidian Order via Garak for three years now, quiet successfully I might add,” he stated evenly as he twisted his right wrist to dangle the bracelet on it toward Sloan, as he stooped and gathered the pieces of his former coffee cup. “However,” he muttered as he placed the pieces in the recycler, “I am no longer convinced that Elim Garak can serve us to the full extent that the Council desires.” 

Sloan having joined Julian in the living room, actually getting a sponge and a stain remover from the replicator…//never hurts to kiss up,// he mused, was dabbing at the spot when Julian made his statement and looked up surprised. “Why not? Ah…Sir,” he added, forgetting himself for a second, but was glad to see that dark look did not return to his superior’s eyes. 

Julian’s face was neutral, his movements at ease as he let Sloan clean up the stain while he got some breakfast. “That is simple, my dear Sloan,” he smirked, thinking that would be how Garak would put it, “because he is limited, as now demonstrated by the Order’s little gift,” he added as he once more dangled the bracelet. He took his tray and moved to the dining table and started eating, appearing to pay little attention to Sloan. “I believe the Council can do better…I can do better,” he stated evenly after a few mouthfuls and a sip of his fresh coffee. Then he turned to Sloan who was putting the stain stuff back in the recycler, “I want you to go back and report this and let them know I want another assignment…this one has reached its end; the road burnt out. It’s time for me to move on.” 

Sloan’s eyes went wide, for agents did not tell the Council ‘anything’ much less when to end or change assignments. “Ah, Captain, do you think it wise,” he started to say, for he did not want his own career jeopardized by Julian’s foolish actions. 

Julian’s easy manner changed back to the dark calculated man in seconds, silencing Sloan with a look. “Commander, it was not a request that you do this. As I said, I can serve the Council better from another position, and I am sure they will see the wisdom in this as well. Now,” his aura shifted once more…years of practice…back to the calm young man people were use to seeing as of late, “If you would be so kind, I’d like to finish my breakfast in peace. I’ll expect to hear from you in a day or two. Good day, Sloan,” he stated warmly then turned to finish his breakfast as if Sloan was already gone. 

Sloan stared at the enigma known to only a few in 31 as Julian… no last name beyond experiment 327A, and let his body give a small shiver, for he had never seen such smooth transitions as he witnessed today, making him totally unpredictable. If anything, he came to understand that Julian was a dangerous man, made more so for he was experienced, and if he knew what was good for him, he’d do as this man asked. “Captain,” was all he spoke and he taped his hidden com badge and vanished in the transporter beam, not able to get out of there fast enough. 

Once Sloan was gone, Julian stopped eating and tossed the fork down to his tray as tears built up in his eyes and a hand came up and covered his mouth to quiet the soft sobs he felt about to escape his throat. //Stars, if I don’t get away from him now, I’ll never be able to leave him,// he cried softly. He pushed himself from the table and moved to his sofa and took the shawl that rested on its back and placed it around him; Garak gave it to him two and half years ago as a gift, made by hand…his hands, and it always made him feel like Elim himself was holding him; he so desperately wanted that now. //Who would have foreseen that three years ago when I took this assignment to play the naïve brilliant doctor, the perfect personality to lure Elim Garak into starting this game with me, I would fall in love with him…OLD FOOL!// he growled at himself. //Ah, you should have foreseen it, Julian,// he chided. //You of all people should have known better…seen the signs; they were all there just like when you posed as that Romulan clerk for Senator Nassala, and what happened there…hmm?// the rational voice asked as he plopped down on his sofa staring at the stars in the distance but not seeing them. //I did my duty,// he countered. //Yes, but it broke your heart in the process and in the end we agreed it was not worth it. When she found out, she hated you; went to her grave hating you, even if she didn’t know who you really were…they find out you are not what you appear to be…the good ones always find out…he’ll find out and he’ll hate you. In fact, he doesn’t even love ‘you’ but the façade.// 

Oh that bit of reality hurt most of all as more tears fell down his face as his heart constricted; Elim Garak loved Doctor Julian Bashir, a young idealist healer that had been forced into his current situation via loving but misguided parents that tampered with his DNA. This last bit of information was used as a lure to hook the Order more when the Council got wind that they no longer saw the Doctor as beneficiary to them and would cut him loose. Swaying a genetically enhanced doctor was a lot more appealing, and in sympathy alone it won not only them but many others around him to secure his role here. But this young man was not real; Julian aka 327A had no last name, no family. He was created and raised in Section 31’s labs and when deemed ready they field tested him at the tender age of twelve, posing as an orphan on a war torn planet that the Federation was aiding, in order to infiltrate the home of a young civilian couple who both were scientist that disdained the Federation or more precise Starfleet; their names Julie Ann and Randolph Bashir. It was Julie Ann that touched his young heart and he loved her, for she had become the mother he had never known and hated betraying them, though it was years later that he fully understood his actions. When he had achieved his mission in full he was ordered to ‘run away’ which he did, but he kept the name Julian, that which his temp mother had always called him. Years later he discovered his leaving had a great effect on them. Julie Ann had stopped her work and became a real mother to a son they had named Julian…after him. This touched him and angered him, but when he found out that the little family had died as a result of another war torn skirmish he dedicated himself to his cause and the reason he was created, and he never forgot them or his purpose; if the Federation prospered so did the peace.

When he was ordered to create this persona, it seemed fitting to use them as a template, taking all that he thought best from those who personified the qualities he was after. Of course he had to mix it with the other requirements given, this was nothing new and thus Julian Bashir was born. Yes…he was as phony as it comes, and to top it off, he was a spy in love with a spy…life sucked!

Julian wiped his face dry and pushed the pain of his heart aside so he could think. Truth was, he knew what the Council was going to tell him; they were going to order him to go through with the marriage, for they saw Elim Garak making his way back into power in Cardassia relatively a lot sooner than the Order themselves thought…nothing a few assignations couldn’t fix, and they would have an agent by his side as he rose in power step by step. That was their plan and he knew they would not be swayed from it, but he was hoping they would understand that he was becoming involved…hell he was more than involved, //Shit, what would they think if they knew that I did ‘want’ to marry Garak and fuck, I even want to have his children…if I can,// he pondered hopelessly. His lack of aging was a side effect that no one suspected. When he matured at the age of twenty five, he remained such; Section 31 was still trying to discover what they did in order to repeat it. Julian was unique in this factor and only his abilities in the field saved him from a life of experimentation, but as he sat at the window, older than most people on this station except a few Vulcans and a handful of other races, he wondered…just what kind of life this was?

He toyed with the bracelet on his wrist, allowing him a moment or two to enjoy the thrill of being loved, even if it was an illusion, then slipped it off and tumbled it in his fingers. //I can’t keep using him like this! I can’t marry him and have a family under these circumstances… fuck…I can never have a family…never,// he thought as once again a few tears escaped down his cheek. 

Stars, he was tired, not just physically, but emotionally; he was tired of this game and no longer wanted to play. He called the infirmary and lied to get out of going to work today, he needed to rest and think…this had to come to an end and he had to decide on which ending he was going to give it. 

***********

He knew the instant Garak had entered the room and slowly opened his eyes, seeing the Cardassian moving toward him and kneeling beside the sofa where he had been sleeping, his bright blue eyes filled with concern and love for him. He loved to look into those eyes…they soothed him so. 

Garak knelt next to Julian and caressed his soft dark hair, concern filling him when he called the infirmary to see if Julian would lunch with him to discuss when to tell the others about their engagement and found he had called in sick. “Are you all right, Jahkim?” he asked lovingly as he then slid his arm underneath Julian’s slender shoulders and pulled him gently to his chest so he could feel his beloved against him. 

Julian gave a soft sigh, he loved being in Garak’s arms; after all this time he never quite understood why, but they gave him a sense of security and love that no other person in his life had been able to offer. //It’s probably because he really does love you,// he thought with mixed feelings, happy to be loved, sad that it was not him that was loved. “I’ll be all right, love,” he replied softly, nuzzling his head against Garak’s chest, savoring the feeling. “I just need to rest, that’s all.” 

Garak placed a tender kiss on Julian’s hair, “Then let me move you to the bed, you’ll be more comfortable. Plus, if there is anything else I can do…”

“Garak, you don’t have to worry about me, I’ll be fine. You have a shop to run…”

“I’ve closed it,” he interjected, letting his Jahkim know he was his priority. “They can all wait,” he added as he lifted Julian into his arms and started carrying him to the bed room. He noticed the partially eaten breakfast and the unmade bed, things unlike Julian to leave about or undone, and it worried him. //He was so happy last night, why is he upset now?// he wondered as he gently hugged Julian to him a bit tighter. 

Julian wrapped his arms around the strong neck, resting his head on Garak’s strong shoulders, loving the feeling being held like this gave him; he felt cherished and treasured and he so didn’t want that feeling to go away. As Garak stood by the bed before placing him down, he looked up into his sky blue eyes and let his own meet his…really meet his. “Don’t let go,” he whispered. 

Garak had never seen such desperation in his love’s eyes nor such fear and anxiety among all the tender love that was pouring out toward him. There seemed to be a whole new world within his Julian’s eyes, one that was unknown to him yet familiar, and he found himself falling even more so for his Jahkim with this simple exchange. “Never,” he vowed as he knelt on the bed and placed his precious love in the center and curled his body up to him. 

He felt Julian’s body tremble in his embrace and pulled a blanket over them, but it didn’t ease the shiver and he knew it was not temperature that was the cause. He looked at his love’s face, his sweet face rested on his chest, his hair tucked under his chin, his eyes closed, while he pressed his firm lean body as close to his as was physically possible; if it were not for the tremble, he would believe that Julian had gone to sleep, but he knew better. “What’s wrong, Jahkim?” 

Julian so loved Elim’s touch, the sound of his voice, he never wanted to leave this and yet the fear of losing it all was all too real to him. “I…I love you, Elim,” he whispered in as controlled a voice he could manage, but he knew it still trembled. “I love you so very much,” he cried softly, no longer able to hold his emotions at bay as he hugged his love tightly, praying that if he did so hard enough, the rest of the world would just go away. 

Hearing Julian’s declaration on such a level stirred his soul and every aspect of his being was called into alert; his Julian was hurting and he would do everything in his power to stop it. //To hell with the Order…Julian is my priority now. I’ll do what I must to protect him, but that is all they shall have,// he silently vowed. He hugged Julian closer to him and kissed his temple, “Talk to me, Jahkim, tell me what is wrong so I can help make it right,” he encouraged gently. 

//If only you could,// Julian cried in thought. //If only I could talk to you…tell you…// he shook his head, it wouldn’t matter…nothing mattered; he was going to lose Elim one way or another. So all he could do was hold him tighter, burning every feeling of Garak’s body to his own, and to change the subject for he knew Elim would press it otherwise, he leaned up and kissed him soundly on the lips. He wanted to make love to this man, that in another life, he would marry and spend the rest of his life with…do anything for, he wanted one last time to sustain him for the years a head; because this was going to be their last night together…he was leaving…DS9…and Section 31, he had had enough; after tonight, he was done playing games with his or anyone else’s life. 

***********

It was late and his arms were empty, he knew something was wrong. Julian always slept curled up to him throughout the night, and when that warmth was gone, he woke, like he did now, except, by the coolness of the sheets next to him, he did not wake as quickly as he should have, that alone told him something was not right. He called for lights and let his eyes adjust and even by scanning the room, his gut clenched, confirming that he was right, yet he could not quiet place just what it was. 

He got out of bed and placed on his robe and moved to the living room, it too was empty and no pad left by Julian indicating where he was. “Computer, location of Doctor Bashir?” 

the standard voice replied.

Garak swiftly moved back to the bedroom door and sure enough there was his com badge on the nightstand. He turned in a small circle, letting his brain pick up what his eyes could not and thought about what was not right with this picture and slowly it came to him…things were missing! His eyes were drawn to the spot on the shelf where Kukalaka would sit, in its place was another knick-knack, having been placed there to sway him from noticing the bear’s loss. Then he turned to the sofa, the afghan that he made for Julian a few years ago, was no longer on the sofa where Julian always insisted it be, and the place suddenly had a sterile feeling to it. He moved to the closet and noticed his uniforms and a lot of clothes, yet…the shirts and pants he had given Julian were gone…Julian was gone! 

Why was all he could think about, for it made no sense! //Why would he leave? If he didn’t want to marry me…?// he shook his head, that didn’t make sense, especially after the way they made love and it was love. No, something else was wrong and the only way to find out was to find Julian. //If he left his com badge, he’s leaving without Starfleet approval too, thus I can’t call Odo or they’ll place him on charges of going AWOL. It’s late, and he couldn’t have left that long ago and there are not that may ways off this station…?// Garak moved to the computer console and hacked it with his skilled professionalism and after a lot of effort was able to notice a glitch in one of the docking bay doors that lead to one of the smaller runabouts that O’Brien had just finished repairs on this afternoon, so it would not be assigned for use until the next day…thus it was available for the taking.

He couldn’t understand why Julian was running, but he was and he didn’t have time to ponder it. He quickly keyed in a few power linkage problems that would helpfully slow Julian down until he got there, for if they were going on a trip, he would like to be dressed. //If he wants to run, fine, but to know why, I’m going to have to go with him,// was his current thoughts as his console indicated the power failures. He tossed on his clothes and dashed to the docking ring, his brain buzzing not only with concern as to what could make Julian run, but suddenly how the young man had gotten so far so fast and not alert security. //Julian never appeared to be capable of such things?// he mused, but there were pieces of the puzzle missing, this much he was sure of as he dashed around the last corner to see much to his surprise the power jolting back up; he had to hurry! 

***********

Julian fixed the last of the circuit overrides, frustrated that such glitches occurred at such a moment as this. He had ran a quick scan, security was not alerted to his presence nor Ops, so he was relatively sure he was not detected as he finalized his preparations for departure, when the sound of the hatch door sliding open caught his attention. He whirled around, phaser set to heavy stun in his hand, catching the person off guard, but it was he that was off guard, when he saw who it was, “Elim?” //I was sure I gave him enough to keep him out until the afternoon!// 

Seeing Julian react with such precision, his eyes narrowed and focused as he pointed the phaser at him, startled Garak, for he had never seen Julian like this before, however seeing the surprised look in those dark eyes, recalled his own senses and the reason he was here. “Julian, what’s going on? Why are you stealing a shuttle?” he asked as easily as he could, seeing the phaser set for heavy stun still steadily pointed at him. 

Seeing the shift in Garak’s eyes, reminded Julian that he was still holding the phaser on him, and he placed it away. “You shouldn’t be here, Elim. Just go back to the cabin and just go along with whatever they ask you…we made love, you woke up, I was gone, end of story,” he said firmly. 

“Well, as nice as that sounds, my dear Julian, it is ‘not’ the end of story, as you put it. Why are you doing this, if you didn’t want to marry me…?”

“Stars, Elim! You don’t know what I would give for that to be possible,” Julian snapped, some pain reflecting in his dark eyes. “But its not…now go. Please, before you ruin everything,” he stated, his voice slightly breaking toward the end; not able to draw on the coldness he could with so many…not with Garak.

The pain in Julian’s eyes was unmistakable, but he didn’t understand in the slightest. “Jahkim…”

“Don’t call me that,” Julian snapped, hoping to draw some anger to make this easier. 

“Julian,” Garak restated, “I don’t know what is going on, so, unless you are planning on using that phaser on me, I have no intentions of leaving here. If you want to take this shuttle, so be it,” he said as he took a seat, “but I will not turn my back on you in what is obviously your time of need.”

//Damn, damn, and double damn that man!// Julian raged inside. Garak’s willingness to forgo everything to be here only served to make him love him more…and Elim was right, he no more could use the phaser on him than he could stop loving him. He closed his eyes and resigned himself that this was going to end badly, //so be it,// he thought and could feel his soul crack at that thought. He moved to close and secure the hatch and then sat in the pilot’s chair and launched the shuttle, knowing that Ops was totally blind to his actions, for he had seen to it. He also knew now that it was Garak that caused the glitches…//on some level you wanted him to find you,// he mused, //Fool!// he chided himself as he guided the tiny shuttle away from the docking port and away from the station far enough and engaged warp along with a few other maneuvers that would totally mask his direction so no one could follow him when they noticed he was gone.

It was suppose to look like a kidnapping. Garak would wake up find him gone, find his badge still on the nightstand, contact Odo, who would find the transporter logs…after some work, proving that another person from another room beamed Bashir out of the living room. They would, with some time, discover the room and evidence of another person…someone they would not be able to identify, and in the end conclude that it was indeed a kidnapping. Sure, Garak would notice things missing, but with the overwhelming evidence, they would not believe him and Garak, though determined, would still begin to second guess himself…that is until they found the remains of this shuttle and just enough DNA of the so called kidnaper and Julian to believe both had died. Sadly O’Brien would feel bad, somehow believing he didn’t fix the shuttle right, but it was the best Julian could do on such short notice. He was convinced that once the Council heard from Sloan, they would have him watched, more so than he had always been, and then he’d never be able to get away. 

//But you had to somehow screw it up, didn’t you,// he growled at himself, for it was the only way Garak could have woken earlier than planned; subconsciously he didn’t give him enough to keep him passed out long enough. //Well, you got your wish…deal with it.// 

***********

It took them two hours to get to wherever it was Julian had been heading, and not one word was spoken by the young man during all that time, no matter how much Garak persisted. Finally he quieted up and waited to see what was going on, hoping that perhaps then he would come to understand all this. He sat by the sensors and noticed that the place they were landing was a tiny little atmospheric asteroid that didn’t even register on any of Starfleet’s maps. The place was barren except for a few caves and craters, where Julian landed in one that also had a cave. Once the shuttle was fully landed, Julian shut off all the systems and turned to him, his eyes more guarded then he had ever seen them. 

“Okay, you wanted to talk, let’s talk…but there is one rule and one rule only…totally uninhibited truth. If you can’t do this, say so now, and we can forget taking what will surely be a very painful path for us both,” he stated evenly, almost coldly. 

Elim Garak looked at Julian and at first wondered what was wrong, but as he continued to look at him, he started to feel that if they were ever going to reach any point beyond this moment, as Julian put it, total and brutal truth was needed. He also got the feeling he was in for his own wake up call, though he didn’t understand why he felt that way. “Very well, Doctor, I agree.” 

Julian gave a curt nod, “Let’s start there. I am ‘not’ a doctor. Yes, I have been trained to be one, I’ve been trained to be many things over the years…just like you, Elim, just like you.” 

It was more than the words, but the tone that stung his mind, hearing that Julian was not what he appeared to be. //Just like me?// he couldn’t fathom this part, “What do you mean, just like me?” 

“Come now, Elim we said truth that goes in giving it and accepting it,” he grounded out, his arms folded over his chest, his body language screaming enclosed. 

It was a difficult thought to process much less accept, “You’re a…a…” he found he couldn’t even say it, it was too absurd! 

“A spy, Garak. An agent, a plant…just like you. Except where you work for the Order…and yes, I know you do,” he added, feeling it better to keep Garak off balance, it made this easier somehow, “I work for Section 31…I’m sure you’ve heard of it,” he stated sardonically. 

“31!” Now this was far from believable! Section 31 was known to be just as manipulative and ruthless as the Obsidian Order and their agents carried the same reputation, the Julian Bashir he knew… It was then that so many pieces fell into place and the truth crashed down around him like heavy rain…he didn’t really know Julian Bashir, yet…yet? He looked at the young man before him with new eyes and insight, a spark of hope flickered in his heart. “Why are you telling me all this?” he asked in a hush voice, daring to hope that he once more did not see things all wrong. 

Julian saw the many expressions cross the Cardassian’s face, but it was his eyes that clearly showed his understanding that he had been tricked all this time and yet…when he finally turned to look ‘at him’ they shifted to one of wonder and hope? Garak’s question was a good one, for typically any agent would have killed the other, Order or 31…but yet here they were…talking. With a heavy sigh, Julian was bound by his own rule to answer this question. “Because I’m an old fool that is far too tired of this cloak and dagger shit. Because…” this was going to hurt, and he knew it, “I fell in love with my target and could no longer string him along, even if it meant having everything I ever wanted…it would still be a lie…” he had to take a deep breath, he would not cry, he was made of better stuff that that. “I do not want a life of lies anymore, Elim. I’m tried of them. When you say you love me, it thrills me and hurts me at the same time and in all truth…I can’t take it anymore. 31 wants me to marry you, Elim. They want me to be by your side as you move up the ladder of power, and yes…you were going to move up, the hit list already preset to make sure of it…but…”

“But they are no longer your priority,” Garak finished for him. Hearing some of his own words back filled him with joy and anger, but he also knew he could not pass judgment. “So, you knew from the beginning who I was and what I was up too?” 

“Yes. I also passed along information that we wanted you to have, and via your method of half truths, were able to obtain information of our own. A part of me wants to say sorry…but I won’t. I won’t apologize for doing my duty and I don’t want one from you for doing yours,” he stated firmly, though his eyes had softened somewhat as he continued to look at Garak. 

“I wasn’t going to,” Elim replied evenly. “However, since we’ve agreed to total truth, you should know that I was no longer working fully for the Order toward the end.” 

Julian shifted up in his seat, surprise in his eyes, “You weren’t?” 

“No,” Elim replied, confident now that he could speak his heart. “I worked for you, Julian. Like you, I too fell in love and I wanted that more than anything the Order had to offer. But like you, they wanted our marriage and I agonized over it, simply for I no longer wanted to use you like that…” he chuckled half heartedly “Not knowing…”

“You were being used too,” Julian finished for him. “Hmm, some couple we made, huh?” 

Silence filled the cabin as both men pondered what had been said between them; it was Garak that broke it first. “I am sorry my loving you hurt,” he stated as evenly as his worn heart could manage, for he did love Julian and he like the young man didn’t want this to continue, yet where he was willing to continue the lie, Julian was not, and somehow that hurt more than the truth of it all. 

“Elim…how can you love ‘me’, you don’t even know me?” Julian replied in a hushed voice of his own. “That’s what hurt me, Garak. That you were totally in love with a façade…a made up character…not me…not…me.” He voice cracked at the end, and he turned away, no longer able to hold back the pain he was feeling. 

“Was it?” Garak asked his voice more knowing, than he felt. “So, okay, you’re not the naïve healer that I first met, but it was still you that drew me in, unless you faked ‘all’ your reactions. I love your heart, your quick wit that you kept mostly to yourself, your deep insights to things; another aspect I noticed you didn’t share…were they fake?” 

Julian looked back to Garak his eyes showing his mind in thought, wondering the same things. “I…I don’t…know,” he finally replied. “I have never been with anyone this long…I…” he shook his head for he didn’t know how to answer this question. 

“Where you ordered to go to Tain on my behalf? Were you ordered to fight for Jadzia when they wanted to take her Trill? The orphans…was it simply part of your cover?” he asked, his questions suddenly being fired off like shots. 

“No, I was ordered not to interfere,” Julian shot back when the first question was fired. “and Jadzia needed my help, and yes at first the orphans were apart of the role, yet I couldn’t abandon them when I was told they no longer served, I…” he was going to continue to defend his actions when he saw the slight amused and pleasant smirk upon Garak’s face and he halted in actions… “What?” 

“Then I do know you…at least the part that counts,” Elim nodded with satisfaction. “Granted there are things I don’t know about you as I do so hope there are things about me that you don’t…otherwise, I must reconsider my expertise as a spy,” he teased lightly. 

Julian chuckled at being so easily had, but Elim made his point, undercover or not, in the end, he shined through, and it was him that Garak was drawn too, and it gave him hope…real hope for the first time. “As the Klingons say, your can be a real Patak at times, Garak,” he smirked, his eyes shining with tender emotions in them. “As for reconsidering your skill level, let me inform you of a few things…” he hesitated, realizing that this along could still push Elim away. //Have a little faith for once,// he advised himself, //for if he is worth the risk of all this, then he is worth the truth…right?// 

“What things?” Elim asked, wondering what more this amazing young man had to surprise him with. Seeing the hesitancy and for once the open eyes he saw the questions of fear of what he had to say and the acceptance that he would take the results of it head on; this he could admire, among many other aspects of this Julian he was coming to know better. He settled himself as best he could, bracing himself for whatever was to come, //So long as he has not killed a member of my family…I can deal with it,// he assured himself, for there was only one member that meant anything, and she was still breathing as far as he knew. 

Julian stood up and stretched out his body, as all the tension of fear and anguish rolled in and out of him, for there was still more to go, and walked the small space before him. “According to our records, Elim, you will be turning forty-eight next month…”

“If it’s a matter of age, I know that I’m much older than you but…”

“You are not older than me, Garak.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t bother me…what did you say?” 

Julian looked at him, his eyes now clear, for he found the courage to speak, “You are not older than me, Garak. When we were celebrating my twenty-eight birthday a few months back, you commented I still looked twenty-five and I scoffed, do you remember?”

Garak simply nodded, for he could not fathom Julian being his age, plastic surgery was good, but not that good…was it? 

“Well, we actually celebrated my one hundredth and twenty-eight birthday, I’m a hundred and twenty-eight years old, and the reason I am and don’t look a day over twenty-five, since that is the next logical question is…because I was genetically made…but not by those people you met…but 31 themselves.” There he said it, now let the chips fall where they may. 

Garak looked at Julian as if he blew a gasket, “A hundred and twenty-eight, really now, Julian,” he started, but seeing the seriousness in the young…err…other man’s eyes made him reconsider for a moment. “How…?” 

“Truth is they don’t know how, nor can they duplicate it. I was literally ‘made’ for this job, Elim. I was raised in labs and taught the ins and outs of this job; my fist assignment was at twelve years old. I have played more roles and impersonated more races than any other agent, thus earning me my commission, but I will never be more than a glorified field agent, for they fear me too much. I’m just an experiment that went partially right and can out do them and out live them and until now never had a weakness…” 

“Me…” Garak asked, yet at the same time knew it was true. “So, in essence, that is why we are here. You wanted what I had to offer, but you wanted it for the real you inside…not for whom I thought you were, as well as you were tired of the game…same as I, and knew they would not let you go. With no choices you were going to…what?” this was something he wanted to know, for he didn’t think Julian would be all that he said he was, which as he looked farther into the man’s eyes, believe he was, and simply take off…that would be sloppy. 

“I have it arranged that it would look like I was kidnapped by some wacko. No motive would be found, but I did plant enough evidence to prove it true, even if you did take notice of things missing, which is why I’m sure you found me so fast?” 

“Yes, when I noticed the bear and the shawl missing, I knew you had left, just not why. I also take it from our conversation and your expression when I boarded, that whatever you used to knock me out didn’t work…”

“I’ve come to believe that on some level I wanted this conversation, though truly believing it at the time it would be most vial. I’m…I’m glad that is has not been so,” he replied evenly. 

“I too am glad for that,” Elim smiled, not able not to show how he did care for this man, but he was not jumping into his arms…this conversation was far from over. “So, you were kidnapped, surely you knew that I and the others…”

“Would look, yes I did. I was going to fake my death and the remains of this shuttle and enough DNA of both parties would be present to close the case, and I was going to vanish into the vast quadrant and not look back. With my skills I could be just about anyone at any time, and that was how I was going to hide and…” he felt his face flush. 

“And?” Garak stood up and walked over to Julian, for this seemed odd at this stage of events. “What were you…oh…?” he found himself grinning like a school boy. “You were going to come back to me…but as ‘you’ but in another form…yes?” 

“It sounds rather foolish hearing it out loud,” Julian blushed, “but…yes,” he whispered as he met Elim’s gaze, “I love you, Elim. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I love the way you make me feel…whole, cherished…safe, I want that life with you, that our organizations would deny us, that we would have denied us because of all the lies. As you said, I too tire of the game, I just want…”

“You,” Elim said at the same time as his Jahkim, for at this moment he knew it was still his beloved Julian and leaned in and caressed his lips against his love’s and they kissed and if possible, it was more precious, more powerful than any other kiss that had ever passed between them and more bonding. When the kiss ended, Garak leaned back in his love’s arms that were now around his waist, and his eyes looked deeply into his soul mate’s…for he now understood that was the case, and why Julian understood him so well. “I have but two questions for you,” he said gently, not breaking the spell that was woven between them. “First, is Julian your real name?” 

Julian chuckled softly, “yes, but I have no real last name,” he replied simply. 

“Easily fixed,” Garak smiled lovingly, “Second, even if I am the junior in the mix, do you trust me?” Garak had his answer long before the words were spoken for he saw it clear in the dark loving eyes that shined back at him. 

“With all that I am, Elim, with all that I am.” 

“Then this is what I propose as a solution to this matter, it starts with the concept of working from the inside out…” 

************

Striding down the long grayish marble walled halls, he turned at the end to enter two huge wooden doors with golden handles that easily moved aside for him without being touched, admitting him to the vast office with in. He was two feet in the door way when the Cardassian woman looked up from her desk and smiled pleasantly at him. “Good after noon, Doctor, go right in; he’ll be pleased to see you, sir.” 

“Thank you, Grisha,” Julian smiled as he brushed a few stray hairs, touched gray to reflect his supposed current age as he moved passed her to another set of elegant designed doors that opened to him with ease. He moved forward this time to come close to being bowled over by two half Cardassian half human children. 

“Daddy!” they shouted with joy. 

He knelt down and hugged them tightly and leaned back to see how they have grown in the few weeks he had to be away at Starfleet Medical and other places, as member of the Council of his organization. “My, Elim, you look like you grew a quarter inch since I’ve been away,” he marveled lovingly, as he his fingers caressed the small ridges along his son’s golden cheek, so much like his name sake, but with his own skin coloring. He let his eyes scan his son, who stood now with squared shoulders to prove he did indeed grow that quarter inch that was in is Father’s mind, and he was so proud of him and loved him dearly. Little Elim was now ten and as smart as a whip, with every quality he loved best about the boy’s father. 

Then he turned to his youngest, his daughter, Julie Ann, named more so after the woman that Elim said gave Julian his heart, and was touched that fate had chosen her to look more like him, but prettier. She was now eight and just as smart as her brother, and just as wonderful. “And I did not think it possible, but I do believe that you have grown not only a bit taller, but prettier too,” he teased lovingly. 

“Ah, Daddy,” she replied, hugging him, but not believing him one bit. “I missed you too.” 

“She is her Father’s daughter, Jahkim, and will not be so easily swayed by such nonsense, much like you yourself would not be,” Elim Garak interjected as he sauntered up to his little family, while adjusting his jacket that deemed his position, being heir to Tain’s legacy and office that he now held. Garak was a Senator and in the running for leader in the new elections that have come about as an after effect with the alliance with the Federation, when the last government fell due to it’s vast corruptions that had mysteriously came to light, much like the one the Federation itself went through a few years prior. He pulled his husband to his feet and kissed him soundly, then hugged him close, as Garak gave him a knowing look. 

Julian laughed warmly and conceded this point with another hug to him and then gathered his son and daughter in his arms as it became a group hug. He held them all tightly, for he so dearly loved then, and though there was peace between Cardassia, now an ally to the Federation, he still worried for them. He worried for Garak for he was still aging as was to be expected, and he feared losing him and once more facing this universe alone. Then he feared for the children, but more so for their genes, for they were apart of him and he knew not how it would affect them. 

Garak once again seeing the same old concerns cross his Jahkim’s eyes once more leaned in close and whispered in his ear, “We can only love them, guide them and protect them from so much. What you fear is years away and if they do take after you, then you will not walk this world alone, nor will they…just love them Julian…just love them.”

And he did…all of them. 


End file.
